Regardless of how many years we have been teachers or parents, we can never have too many skills or strategies up our sleeve to better equip us with communicating with our children. One of the most obvious, yet challenging ways for parents and teachers to know more about the rapidly changing world our teenagers are faced with is to talk to them. I hear you, easier said than done. How many of us are met with a grunt or one syllable answers at best when we attempt to ask even the most simplest of questions? While this is not uncommon, it is something we as teachers and parents need to try and combat. Much of the literature suggests that young people who have face to face conversations with influential adults are far more likely to have better coping skills and resilience, increased levels of confidence, and are better decision makers.
(http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/tricky_conversations.html)
One of the most common questions I get asked is ‘how do I get my son to open up and talk with me? It is worth noting that while they might be resistant initially, our teenagers really do want to talk to us about the challenging and difficult issues they are facing. Often, their reluctance to start the conversation is because they do not want to make us uncomfortable talking about things that we might find awkward and confronting.
Here are some tips to help you manage difficult conversations:
- Try to stay calm. Be honest if you’re shocked by the topic, but reassure your child that you do want to discuss the issue. This can help your child feel he can talk to you about anything.
- Make sure the first thing you say to your child is something that lets him know you’re happy that he wants to talk to you.
- Listen to your child. This means giving your child a chance to talk through what’s going on, without you trying to fix the situation. Often, teenagers aren’t expecting you to fix things – they just want you to listen.
- Avoid being critical or judgmental, or getting emotional. If you need to let off steam, choose another adult to talk to when your child isn’t around.
- If your child wants your help with a tricky situation, a problem-solving approach can help you work together to find a solution.
- If your child wants your opinion, let your child know how you see the situation rather than telling him what to do.
- Try to set aside some time each day to talk with your child. Ask him open-ended questions, and let him know that if he does want to talk, you’re happy to listen. This will help you stay connected with your child and might help him feel more comfortable to come to you in future.
- Keep up to date with your child’s interests. This gives you things to talk about and shows that you’re interested in your child’s well-being.
Benefits of difficult conversations
Tackling difficult conversations together with your child is a sign that you have a healthy relationship.
It helps to keep your relationship with your child close and trusting. If you’re warm, accepting, non-judgmental and uncritical, and also open to negotiating and setting limits, your child is likely to feel more connected to you. Your child is also more likely to discuss issues with you in the future.
https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/teenagers-and-communication
Leanne Gair (Head of Treacy House)