Written and Narrated by Jacob Knowles.
Wellbeing is a topic that is discussed a lot within the school setting. There is no argument that the environment a young person exists in has a direct impact on their social and emotional development and the relationships that they go on to form. Schools place a great amount of emphasis on ensuring students understand the multi-faceted nature of wellbeing. Programmed lessons, whole-day activities and the integration of particular concepts in various subject areas are common place. These are all dedicated to helping students understand the importance of wellbeing and aim to change the mindset to this.
There is, however, often interesting feedback from students at the end of sessions focused on wellbeing. Many students engage with the content but then suggest what has been learnt would not be something that they would expect to see outside of school. Within their home environment, wellbeing “might” happen but if so it isn’t spoken about or shared with others.
I believe that for young people to truly grasp the importance of taking stock of their own wellbeing, we need to continue to make wellbeing a focus across all areas of our lives. Similarly, we must move away from an implicit relationship we have with wellbeing and make it something that is explicitly focused on particularly at home within our families.
So why is focusing on wellbeing so hard?
The reality is that making wellbeing a focus is hard for many reasons and these are different for each person. Changing routines we have kept for long periods of time can feel overwhelming and considering activities or programs we have never tried before often fills us with doubt. Many people also choose to not talk with other people about the activities that they do in their day that makes them happy out of fear of ridicule and judgement.
These fears are things that we need to overcome if we are to see improvements in our own lives and the lives of our family. Making ourselves somewhat vulnerable to new experiences, particularly if we are not happy with where we are at, is vital for our wellbeing. Certainly there may be instances where we try new things and they don’t have the desired effect, but these will act as platforms providing opportunities to take our next step in trying something new.
How do we move Family Wellbeing from Implicit to Explicit?
Ensuring young people understand how adults value wellbeing at first appears easy. Most people believe that their morning jog, yoga lesson or time spent gardening shows an obvious outward focus on wellbeing. It is making time to do something that we enjoy and we have prioritized time for this. We must remember that young people do not always pay attention to particular detail of things going on around them. This is particularly true for boys. If you have a son, think back to the last time you asked him what he did at school on a particular day… The normal responses of “nothing” or a series of grunts back to you is not unique and is actually synonymous with many boys. Sometimes this shows a lack of engagement in his learning but, more often, it displays that he is not as perceptive to things that are going on around him as we would think. Ask him about what happened at sports training, in a game or when he was out with his friends and often there is a far higher attention to detail.
This highlights the need to explicitly focus on wellbeing. If you are making time to prioritise, make sure you also make time to talk about your experience with these things. Talk about what activities other people in the family do to rejuvenate and recharge their wellbeing.
How to overcome the stalling points in Family Wellbeing with Young People
There are many families that spend time together and create wonderful memories. This can be in the form of exciting holidays, around the home building projects or in creating simple rituals or routines such as sharing weekly meals together.
As family members get older, difficulties often arise when competing interests begin to creep in to these schedules. The frequency of these interruptions to routines can be a point of contention for families and this often leads to a degree of conflict. Finding a way to manage changes to our family routines is important in the overall success of family wellbeing.
Research by Barbara Fiese, a Professor from the University of Illinois, found that regular routines and rituals create a sense of security within families and help organise daily life. They also impact positively on the overall health and wellbeing of families. Professor Fiese’s review of over 50 years of research published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that:
- In families with predictable routines, children had better overall health. They slept better, had fewer respiratory illnesses and performed better at school. Parents also felt more satisfied and competent in their parenting role.
- In families with enjoyable rituals, such as birthdays, Christmas or special outings, children had better emotional health.
- Teenagers in families with strong rituals reported a well-developed sense of self, couples reported happier marriages and family members reported a stronger sense of belonging and gr oup membership.
It is obvious that routines provide structure in our otherwise chaotic lives. These also make it easier to adopt other practices related to health (such as eating, sleeping and exercise) and it is in the strong emotional bonds developed during rituals that lead us to a sense of belonging.
So what are some Rituals and Routines that support family health and wellbeing?
As mentioned earlier, each family’s circumstances are different and the rituals and routines that families incorporate in to their schedules must be organic and ready and willing to change. The following are just a couple of ideas that families could consider implementing to improve rituals and routines in their homes:
- As a household have a nominated time to unplug devices and power-down.
- Try to have at least 3 family meals each week.
- Assign children chores that represent their portion of the family labour. Also, let children know that the things you do for them are also in fact chores. Picking them up from trainings and activities THEY want to do, often takes you away from other things.
- Enforce bedtimes, especially for young children.
- Plan family weekends often and, where possible, holiday together at least once a year. These do not have to be extravagant outings or overseas adventures. Find somewhere that engages your family and build memories there that grow as your family does.
- Plan for special one-to-one time between couples and between parent and child. Doing things as a group is wonderful, however it is also important to make time for one-on-one activities.
Take some time considering what the routines and rituals are in your own family that support and promote wellbeing. Make sure that these are actively promoted and time is spent reflecting on them as a family. Consider also the areas you think could benefit from more attention. Do some research, ask other parents and get your young people involved to come up with new ways to improve family wellbeing.
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