Heading into the holidays our students may be spending more time with their friends in an unstructured environment. Negotiating relationships and friendships can be a stressful experience during adolescence. The following is an extract from the website http://understandingteenagers.com.au/blog/
“Teenage friendships are never boring. There is rarely a dull moment. It seems drama, or melodrama, is never far away. Amongst all the ups and downs have you noticed that your teenager seems to mention one or two people more than most when discussing the latest relational disturbance? Is there always one name that seems to accompany your teen being upset, angry, annoyed or in some sort of trouble? Does your teen have one or two friends who make you think “With friends like these who needs enemies?”
The reality is many teens have friendships that are best described as toxic. That is a relationship that is damaging or poisonous to your teen. These toxic friends are known as Frenemies, and can cause your teenager a great deal of grief and anxiety. Learning to spot and help your teen deal with a Frenemy is a really valuable way parents can invest in their teenager’s well being.
How Can You Spot a Frenemy?
Random Bouts of Exclusion
Backhanded Compliments
Starts Negative Rumors or Gossip
Being Very Competitive
Being Dishonest
What To Do If Your Teen Has Frenemies?
In an ideal world, your teenager will work out by themselves that their supposed friend is not all that helpful and take steps to end or reduce the closeness of the relationship. In the real world sometimes parents might need to provide some gentle guidance. One way to raise the issue is to point out the effects of the friendship on your teen that you observe. For instance, you could say something like “I have noticed recently that whenever you spend time with (frenemy name) you end up feeling upset or angry. Why is that?” This type of statement doesn’t cast accusations on either your teen or the friend in question, instead, it focuses the conversation on the outcomes of the relationship.
Another strategy is to encourage your teen to spend more time with their friends who are helpful and affirming. Whatever you do, don’t ban or forbid your teenager from spending time with a specific person. This will usually achieve the exact opposite of what you want. Working with your teen to help them develop their own strategies is a much more effective method, and it equips your teen with valuable skills for life.”
Anna Blore (Head of O’Brien House)